Grief is not linear. It doesn’t follow a calendar, obey the passage of time, or soften on a predictable schedule. Often, it comes in waves—suddenly and without warning. Just when you think you’re “doing okay,” a memory, a scent, a song, or an unexpected moment can bring the loss back to the surface with surprising intensity.

These bursts of grief, sometimes called grief surges or grief spikes, can feel disorienting and overwhelming. But they are also a normal, deeply human part of mourning. If you’re experiencing grief that comes in unpredictable waves, know that you’re not alone—and that there are gentle ways to navigate through it.

1. Acknowledge the Wave

The first instinct may be to resist the sudden swell of emotion. You might try to push it down or rationalize it away. But grief needs acknowledgment.

Try saying to yourself: “This is grief. It’s okay that it’s here.” Naming what you’re feeling can reduce its power and help you face it with compassion rather than fear.

2. Make Space for the Feeling

When possible, give yourself permission to pause. You might not be able to control when grief strikes, but you can decide how you care for yourself in that moment.

Take a walk, find a quiet space, cry, journal, or simply breathe. Let the emotion move through you rather than bottling it up. The wave will pass—often more quickly when it’s allowed to move freely.

3. Anchor Yourself in the Present

Sometimes, grounding techniques can help if the grief feels too big to sit with fully. These methods don’t push grief away but offer a handrail for staying steady:

  • 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
  • Box breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat.
  • Hold something comforting: A warm drink, a soft blanket, or a photo of your loved one can offer emotional reassurance.

4. Talk to Someone You Trust

Grief can feel isolating, especially when others around you seem to have “moved on.” Reaching out—whether to a friend, family member, or therapist—can be healing.

You don’t need to explain or justify the burst. Simply saying, “I’m having a hard wave of grief today,” can open a door to support.

5. Create a Ritual for the Moment

Tiny rituals can be grounding and affirming. They give shape to the shapelessness of loss.

  • Light a candle when a wave comes.
  • Write a short letter to the person you lost.
  • Listen to a song that connects you.
  • Touch a keepsake or photo and speak their name aloud.

These gestures honor the grief, and the love behind it.

6. Be Kind to Yourself

Grief is a reflection of deep love. The sudden surges are not setbacks; they are signs that your heart still holds that connection.

Try not to judge yourself for “still grieving.” There’s no expiration date on loss. You’re healing, even on the days that feel like unraveling.

7. Know That It’s Normal

Finally, remember: grief in bursts is incredibly common. A milestone, a smell, an anniversary—or nothing at all—can stir a fresh wave. These moments don’t mean you’re broken. They mean you’re human.

Healing isn’t a straight road. It’s a winding path, with sudden turns and unexpected views. But you’re walking it, one step at a time.

If you’re grieving right now:
Breathe. You’ve survived every wave so far. You will get through this one, too.

Let it come. Let it pass. Let yourself feel. And let yourself heal.

You’re not alone.